Breaking Odd!

It's broadcast pilot season, and all the major networks are attempting to develop the next great sitcom. In a bold, unprecedented move, one of them has purchased the character rights to Breaking Bad and is re-imagining Walt and Jesse as a wacky odd couple... with heart. Possible titles are already being tested with focus groups; they include: Walt ‘n Jesse, Breaking Odd, Breaking Odd! and Makin’ It Happen. Below is a sneak peek at the first scene of the pilot script:

COLD OPEN

INT. JESSE'S APARTMENT - DAY

A MESSY LIVING ROOM IN A SINGLE GUY’S APARTMENT. THE CLEANING LADY HASN’T BEEN HERE FOR A WHILE, IF EVER. THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. A PIZZA BOX ON A BLANKET ON THE COUCH MOVES. A VOICE SEEMS TO COME FROM IT:

PIZZA BOX

               (HOARSE AND TIRED) Who is it?

BEAT. ANOTHER KNOCK. SUDDENLY, THE PIZZA BOX AND BLANKET FLY OFF THE COUCH, REVEALING JESSE (AARON PAUL-TYPE, OR KYLE BORNHEIMER.)

JESSE

               I said, who is it...bitch!

ANOTHER KNOCK. JESSE SIGHS, THEN PEELS HIMSELF OFF THE COUCH AND SHUFFLES TO THE DOOR. HE OPENS IT, REVEALING WALTER (THINK BRYAN CRANSTON, POSSIBLY GEORGE SEGAL, COULD ALSO BE BLACK), WHO HOLDS A SUITCASE.

WALTER

               I am the one who knocks.

JESSE

               Uh, no kidding. You ever hear of a

               doorbell? Or sleeping past eight in

               the morning?

WALTER

               It’s one in the afternoon. (CHECKS
               WATCH) One-oh-four, actually. I’m Walter. 
               (OFF JESSE’S BLANK LOOK) Walter White? 
               From Gregslist? We’ve emailed.

JESSE

               Wait, you’re the dude who’s renting my
               extra room?

WALTER

               Is there a problem?

JESSE

               I was expecting somebody younger.

WALTER WALKS IN AND LOOKS AROUND.

WALTER

               And I was expecting somewhere cleaner.

JESSE

               Yo, you don’t like my pad, you’re
               welcome to keep walking... bitch. 

WALTER

               No, sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you. 
               And the fact is, I- (LOUD, HACKING COUGH) 
               I need- (MORE COUGHING) I need a place 
               to stay for a bit.

JESSE

               Whoa. Do you have cancer?

WALTER

               (CONFUSED) Hm? I've never heard of

               that. No one we know will ever have

               that. (THEN) I've got allergies.

               (SUSPICIOUS) In your ad you specifically

               stated that you do not have a cat.

JESSE

               I don't. I mean, I think I don't.

               I haven't seen him in a couple months.

               (BEAT) Ever since my fiancée dumped

               me 'cause it turns out she's a lesbian.

WALTER

               Wow. I just lost my job and got a
               divorce.

JESSE

               Huh. Looks like we have more in common
               than I thought.

WALTER

               (RUEFUL) Yeah. Like Watson and Crick. 

JESSE

               (SHRUGS) I don’t watch soccer. 

JESSE’S PHONE RINGS. HE GRABS IT.

JESSE

               (TO WALTER) Well, make yourself at 
               home, I guess. (INTO PHONE) Hello?

AS JESSE EXITS TO HIS BEDROOM, WALTER TAKES A DEEP BREATH.

WALTER

               I’m starting to regret selling my RV.

HE PUTS DOWN HIS SUITCASE AND LOOKS AROUND. CLOSE UP ON A FLY, STANDING ON THE PIZZA BOX. WALT SEES IT. HE STEPS TOWARDS IT AND SWATS AT THE BOX... BUT HE MISSES THE FLY, WHICH BUZZES AROUND HIM. WALT WAVES AT IT, WILDLY, LIKE A CRAZY MAN, THEN STOPS TO LOOK FOR IT. HE LOOKS UP: IT’S ON THE CEILING LIGHT. WALT STEPS ONTO THE COFFEE TABLE AND REACHES UP FOR THE FLY, BUT AS HE SWATS…

…HE LOSES HIS BALANCE AND FALLS ONTO THE COUCH. A CAT HOWLS.
WALT JUMPS UP, STARTLED, AS JESSE COMES BACK IN, HOLDING HIS PHONE AND LOOKING STUNNED.

WALTER (CONT'D)

               I think I found your cat.

JESSE

               That was my mom calling.

WALTER

               Does she want a cat?

JESSE

               My grandfather just died.

WALTER

               Jesse... I’m so sorry.

JESSE

               His last words were that he wanted me
               to take over the family business. 

WALTER

               Please tell me it’s a maid service. 

JESSE

               It’s a restaurant.

WALTER

               (ENCOURAGING) Well that sounds exciting.

JESSE

               I can't do it!

WALTER

               Why not?

JESSE

               Um, have you met me?!

WALTER

               Only just.

JESSE

               Dude, running a restaurant is
               all about hospitality and whatnot. 
               Taking care of people. How am I 
               supposed to do that when I’m just 
               realizing I can barely take care 
               of myself?

WALTER

               Maybe your grandfather knew that,
               Jesse. And maybe this was his way 
               of telling you it’s time to grow up.

JESSE

               I don’t even know how I’d start. I
               guess I’ll need to hire a cook. 

WALTER

               (LIGHTBULB) Well look no further.

JESSE

               You're gonna be my cook?

WALTER

               You got a problem with that... bitch? 

WALTER SMILES. JESSE CAN’T HELP HIMSELF - HE GRINS.

WALTER

               I think this could be the beginning 
               of a very... profitable partnership. 
               I only have one question: what do you 
               know about meth?

JESSE

               If you mean “methods of meeting
               ladies,” then, uh, lots. 

WALTER

               Then we definitely we have a deal.

JESSE CONSIDERS, THEN PUTS OUT HIS HAND. WALTER STARTS TO SHAKE IT, THEN HESITATES.

WALTER (CONT'D)

               Say my name.

JESSE

               Huh?

WALTER

               (INTENSE) Say. My. Name.

A BEAT AS WALTER STARES AT JESSE. THEN JESSE STARTS TO LAUGH. 

JESSE

               Dude, I totally forgot it. 

WALTER

               (TO THE SKY) Aye-yai-yai!

JESSE

               (SHAKING HEAD) That went well!

FADE OUT.